Moojinorbit

When am I going to have time to sit and muse about trivial things and post happily away for an hour at a time again? I don’t know, I don’t know. But I’m giving myself 15 minutes now, cuz I just can’t hold off any longer. (Not like anyone cares, but this thing was on a roll and I don’t want to surrender it.)

The landing gear on my quarter has pulled up and we are now officially in ascension. No going back now. I’ve committed myself to a nearly military schedule with the aim of being more efficiently productive than I have in terms past. It sounds stressful, but it’s actually about simply building clear time slots for the things I need and want to do so that rather than running away from the constant feeling of not getting to something, I can be calm, clear, and focused. So far it’s worked really well, actually. I’ve been prepped for class well ahead of time, I’ve worked on my own projects, email hasn’t gotten out of control, and I haven’t had to bring any work home. I’ve even gotten to bed before 10 every night this week, and woken up early. We’ll see if all that remains true once I add grading papers to the mix. 

I’ve been building a meandering list of things I want to post about, but I’m going to start with the little bugger that was circulating in my brain last night before I fell asleep. 

I was thinking about this forwarded email I deleted yesterday, despite the warning in the subject line that I’d “spoil the fun” if I didn’t respond. It cracks me up when people forward emails with guilt in the title, about how I’m going to keep them from collecting $40 million from Bill Gates if I don’t send this on to 10 of my closest friends. This was one of those surveys you fill out about who you are and what you’re doing right now, and for some reason I either get named in such surveys as “most likely” or “least likely” to respond. I find that in itself an interesting paradox–do people think I have nothing to do but answer these things or that I wouldn’t touch them with a ten foot pole? What impressions am I giving off? 

In case anyone’s wondering, here’s why I don’t usually respond to those surveys: THEY’RE SO MIND-NUMBINGLY DULL. I don’t CARE whether you wear short socks or long socks, whether you drink soy milk or milk hot out of the cow’s udder, whether you prefer bacon or sausage. I don’t particulary want to know the name of the person who gave you your first kiss, although that’s a little more interesting. If I’m going to get an emailed survey that I’m willing to circulate among my friends and colleagues, let me tell you, I want something JUICY. I want something REAL. I want you to TELL ME SOMETHING. 

So here is the first round of questions on the kind of email survey I want in my In Box. (Feel free to post answers in the comments section, or send me an email.)

1. What the F are you doing answering this survey when you have so much other crap to do? Just exactly how bored are you right now? Does that tell you something?
2. When was the last time you bawled your eyes out and why?
3. What parts of you feel really broken and what do you want to do about it?
4. What parts of you do you treasure the most and why?
5. Describe the single most mind-blowing sexual experience you’ve ever had. You don’t have to name names.
6. If you had to pick two celebrities to be your parents, who would you pick and why?
7. Say you had the means to keep a wild animal as a pet. What kind of beast would you choose?
8. What’s the closest you’ve ever gotten to sensing the existence of a higher power?
9. If you were in a coma but could hear everything around you, what would you want your loved ones to do?
10. What’s the biggest “mistake” you’ve ever made?
11. If you could switch careers right now and do anything else you wanted to do, what would it be?
12. What bugs you the most about kids?
13. What are you addicted to and why?
14. Who are your top three heroes?
15. If you could be a singer giving a concert for one night, who would it be?
16. Would you rather vomit or have diarrhea?
17. What kind of 9 year-old were you?
18. What do you fake? (In what area of your life do you feel like a faker?)
19. Which character do you most relate to: Yoda, E.T., Jabba the Hut, Chewbaca, Grover, Oscar the Grouch, Snuffleufagus, R2D2, or the Little Mermaid?
20. How do you feel about being alone, with no noise or distractions, for more than four hours?
21. What singe limb would you most hate to lose and why?

I think I took 27 minutes.